Thursday 30th June

Doesn't it make you feel sick when you see people waking up? All bloodshot eyed and puffy faced? The alarm was a  nice little reminder about day two of the shit working task.

Chelsea undid all the hard work that had made me able to laugh at him, the argument he had with Ryan in the manager's office made me want to get in his face. Just wouldn't leave Ryan alone! Getting all in his grill, no awareness of personal space remotely. So rude and completely inappropriate for the view he was trying to express. Just pipe down and sit. And cut your hair you monster.

Wanted to slam my head against a brick wall when Lateysha described a TURTLE as a two legged, African herbivore. Only good part of the task was when Jackson heard what Georgina said about being embarrassed to introduce him to her crew. Thankfully, that was all we had to see of them tonight really. Cue Charlie and Jason.

So poor Jason accidentally revealed he went on a night out with the lads. Someone call the police. And he cheated on her? Probably not but she is mental. And Charlie supposedly kicked his dog? Somebody actually call the police. Definitely why he split up with her, the mindgames he could let slide but the dog kicking was the nail in the coffin. Good on him. So they rowed a bit, Jason opened up more which is a good step in the right direction. Andy supporting him too, they have a really sweet friendship.

Oooo. Fishbowl gate! Ok, so I don't think Ryan ACTUALLY said he was joking about being annoyed, but Sam and, surprisingly, Alex took it too far. 

Sam to Ryan: "Are you annoyed about the fishbowl?"

Ryan to Sam: "No"

Sam to everyone else: "they're pissed off about the fishbowl"

Alex to Ryan: "Are you annoyed about the fishbowl?"

Ryan to Alex: "No"

All shit kicks off. Nice to actually hear the Liverpudlian accent I must say! Quite the wee shit stirrer ain't ya? Bless Hughie though. Was watching his sweet legs resting on the bed being all proud of how he was keeping his cool whilst Alex was being rude to him. Then he started shouting, thought to myself, what a sweetheart, not even being aggressive. Just loud. Then his face went all red and Jason had to physically move him and I thought...yeah...go chill out in the diary room. But he did! And he was fine in there. He's a good lad, he's just mega on the old volume.

Sam there, a fully grown man, pissed up on a couple of cans of vodka and coke. Crying. Get a grip mate.

I think Andy may have managed to just swing himself to safety. Just vote Jayne out lovers.

Wednesday 29th June

Georgina's negativity opening the show. Again. Will that be all for the episode though? Nah...

So Chelsea is called to the diary room for the description of this weeks challenge. Could see how excited he was to take on the role of manager, what he does in the outside world you see. All talk and absolutely no action. What were those words of wisdom? "The only way to achieve success is through hard work"  How inspiring...

So Chelsea is boss of the office based task, where the other housemates are unable to swear, be negative or argue with each other. Just what the house needs, really lame attempt of adherence so far. We have Ryan on reception, and Emma and Sam almost immediately promoted to just watching screens with Chelsea in the other room.

Lateysha did make me laugh with the outfits she had selected for the employees of her imaginary business venture. All men should wear white suits and matching hats.

A Big Brother task wouldn't be a task without an element of exposing previous said statements from within the house. Hence the customer service exercise where we saw Evelyn, Georgina, Jayne and Andy listen to their recent nominations. Savage. Evelyn and Jayne took it on the chin, Andy had a good cry (which I believe is fair, it was a large amount to hear and all of them were horrible) and of course Georgina is a massive twat about it all.

As was Jackson, the way he spoke to Emma about her mentioning his name within her nomination for Georgina was unforgivable. How can he actually believe what he says? She was not mentioning him to sabotage their "relationship", her intentions were clearly to express her bemusement of having to witness how a girl can be that controlling and suffocating to, what was before, a fun loving and happy guy.

At least he apologised though. How transparent. Although, the way he spoke to Evelyn and (ha! Can't even think of her name) erm...Marco's ex bird (I don't mean to be mean as she has been alright recently) It's Emma isn't it? Ok, well anyway, we managed to catch a glimpse of Jackson realising what shit hoops he is having to jump through. And this was confirmed again when in the final scene he's in bed and Georgina is demanding him to go to bed, but he is not dancing to her tune, not even swaying, and to chuck a loveheart sweet at Evelyn! The sneakiest man! Good though. Get rid of her.

Huge pat on the back to Big J (Jason) for calling Chelsea up on doing a shit job as boss. They're fairly easy guidelines to follow, you got to make it happen as a boss. Just actually tell them what to do instead of demanding sliced strawberries. What a joke.

As it stands, want Georgina out so Jackson can say "ting" more freely, or Jayne just because she does not bring a lot to the table at all...

Tuesday 28th June

The nomination results didn't surprise me remotely tonight, I only hope that it is Jayne who gets the boot and not down to earth Andy. Although when he approached Lateysha saying he liked her, it did make me cringe a little.

Georgina in bunny boiler shocker. Emma, friend of Jackson, confronts him on his socialising behaviour, or lack of, since his 50th wedding anniversary, sorry, four day relationship. Surprisingly, he even kind of opens up a little. We think oh thank God, this might be a breakthrough.

Cue Georgina's stromping feet and grimace. "Why are you speaking to him about how negative I am..." Blah blah blah. Emma frustrated me at first, but the way she danced in the rain and cried about the moth dying made me warm to her a little. Seeing her just standing there, trying to maintain positivity and just explain to Georgina how she is a miserable twat, almost made me cry. Sweet girl.

And then Georgina threatens to end the relationship. Yes, yes, can't wait to watch more bullshit about it tomorrow. Anyone else hear when Jackson mentioned he had taken out his tongue piercing for her? Whole new level. The control is crazy, surely a streetwise lothario wouldn't be phased by a stuck up brat. He must have something up his sleeve.

On the other hand, a relationship I am enjoying watching is Charlie and Jason ❤️ I'm kidding, so relieved we didn't have to hear about the ongoing 'confusement' of where the relationship is going. But Hughie and Ryan!!! They truely are a breath of fresh air in there. Ryan's joke about being in a relationship was absolutely spot on, couldn't have done it better myself. I am just completely in love with Hughie if I'm honest. That face and those eyes...such a bloody handsome man.

Come on Big Bro, sort a task out which will make the housemates argue and hatred can be pinned on someone else other than Andy. I really am rooting for him, he's alright.

Monday 27th June

With tonight we saw the ever-growing paranoia and jealousy within Georgina about Evelyn. Nothing quite says boyfriend stealer than a sneaky eyeliner application.

So what did Georgina do? Stomp around and tell her mates. Get her mates to bring him to her, and then wipe the make up from his face. I've never seen anything so juvenile. Oh wait, until he says how he loves her, again, and that he wants to marry her. 

Jayne in the diary room saying how Jason needs to tell Charlie where she stands. We all bloody know where she stands, you two must be the only two in the universe who doesn't. What is it with women?

Didn't see any repercussions regarding Andy's argument. Oh right. Well I missed the first ten minutes or so, so I could be wrong. I imagine Lateysha and Sam bounded towards his bed this morning, jumped in and snuggled against his rusty coloured chest whilst they apologised for being selfish assholes. Probs not though.

Chelsea had a cracking birthday, all that matters in the world really.

When I saw the "after the break" footage for the last segment I thought oh Lord! Jackson and Georgina are consumating the marriage and I was almost sick. Alas! It was Hughie and Ryan having a sweet tug. Is it bad I was aroused by it? Is it weird? Couldn't imagine anything nicer after blowing chunks.

I want nominations and I want them now!!! Get out Charlie.

Sunday 26th June

Tonight's episode continued to show the unhealthy relationships people tend to have today; both with Jackson and Georgina and also Jason and Charlie.

I cannot believe how open Georgina is with her jealousy regarding Evelyn, and how she has actually asked Jackson to not speak to her. It's crazy shit I would have done five years ago, but not with a boy I'd been kissing for just three days (even though he has already dropped the l bomb 😁). This episode opened nicely with her complaining about Evelyn waving her bum Jackson's way, and spreading her legs in front of him on purpose. The whole time she's sat there with her mouth pointing downwards. Get out whilst you still can Jackson mate, this will not get better.

And poor Jason with Charlie. He must be exhausted hearing her saying she wants to know where she stands. HE SPLIT UP WITH YOU. HE'S TRYING TO BE POLITE. HE DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU. THAT IS WHERE YOU STAND. How many months has he had to put up with this for? I'm rolling my eyes at it after not even a week.

So we had the paddle game. Could have continued the fun after the leg waxing and the gunge pouring, but instead of voting for Lateysha to have a fish guts facial, the housemates voted her to say who she thought the biggest game player was...Jason. Of all people, seriously? Maybe he just likes to clean the house because he's an adult and doesn't like living in squalor (wait...that's Jane) and he probably cooks because he's a healthy bloke and would like to monitor what he bungs in his body. But Charlie has spread her word about him being a gameplayer because "he's not being with me like he usually is on the outside" nothing down to being completely fed up of you? No. Definite game player. Can't believe Lateysha even entertained the idea.

And of course sweet Andy is going to feel morally obliged to support Jason when he feels someone has been two faced about him; he has nothing but run ins with everyone, Jason is the only person who actually listens, without interrupting, and gives him the time of day. Andy could have gone straight up to Jason and told him, but he wanted to resolve it with Lateysha and Charlie so they could deal with what they've caused instead. Show people where they go wrong so they don't do it again. Teaching a person to fish etc.

But this all backfires. Unfortunately for Andy, he's dealing with the likes of Sam and Ryan. They could not be a more unreceptive bunch. They hear the beginning of a sentence and assume what's to follow. No one listened to him or even let him finish. He's not patronising, he's just talking his point through. As ever, not valid.

So in an attempt to prevent a fall out between Jason and Charlie, Andy is now going to be nominated for eviction. Please don't let it happen. This is all comes down to delusional Charlie and her gobby mouth upon impressional ears. Please nominate her housemates!!! Save poor Jason.

The manipulation we are seeing, amongst couples, supposedly the strongest bonds within the house, is so uncomfortable to watch and I really hope it's not a view into common practice in day to day life. That kind of level of control, and mind games, just so unfair for a human being (yolo).

In other news I have learnt to take Chelsea with a complete pinch of salt and I just laugh at everything he says and does. I really hope the producers put him in for all of us to laugh at. A few of my favourite Chelsea highlights from the week include:

"She's off her tits" about Jayne. Repeatedly.

"Natalie's not sexy at all" Well, someone had to say it.

And finally, nothing made me hoot more with laughter, than when we heard Marcus Bentley describe Chelsea's bathroom activity:

"Chelsea is shaving his hands"

Goodnight.

Just a few days in...

Sorry for the lack of update. I haven't committed to a tv programme for a long time and now I have this and Love Island to keep on track of, as well upkeeping as my ridiculous social life and attempting to get fit for the upcoming Tough Mudder.

Nobody cares! But alas, a lot has happened. Yet to warm to particular housemates like I have done in previous years, but will definitely update where I'm at.

Marco is a complete dick. When he joined in the conflict when Ryan and Andrew came into the house he was completely out of order. Then later in the night making everyone aware of who his dad is. Yes. We know. The kissing with Laura is so noisy and fake and vomit inducing. The belt round the neck was the last straw for me really, and then there was the sex and the backtrack of the hallpass. Such a dick.

Laura is equally though, completely playing the victim when all she has done is go on and on about how much of a slut she is. I thought I was crude, hearing her has made me shrink back into my shell, I hate how she talks. Lesson learnt. "Why are they chanting 'Get Laura out'?" I have no idea hun, maybe it's the disgusting noises you make, or the glances out the corner or your eye towards the camera when your dry humping a guy with a tattooed face. And he is engaged, in an open relationship or not, deal with the consequences. And just stop getting your tits out, we get the jist. That Titanic number was just unnecessary. I think the entirety of Britain rolled their eyes.

Jackson is bloody lovely, when we saw he was targeted and had to choose someone, the face on him was so endearing, and then again when he was voted into The Other house. Was really rooting for him and Georgina, watch this space right...

Alex is pretty boring, keep him in The Others house and just get him cuddling the ladies when they're emotional. Everybody's happy.

Natalie is an absolute nightmare. How can a woman of that age use hand gestures the way she does? Never a valid argument, always over reacting, and I hope she never makes it into the house. Certainly is a madame. Genuinely though, my least liked housemate this year; at least Marco has a sweet laugh.

With the separation of Ryan and Hughie from each other, it has made my appreciation of Ryan decline, he is just moany and really lacks intelligence. Watching him try to sabotage the task was painful, was he even aware of it all? Like what is he doing, we never see him unless he is in the diary room screaming at Big Brother about how stupid he is. Get him out, get Hughie in. Hughie is great, the way he is with Natalie is exactly how I would be. That footage in the diary room when he's trying to calm himself down by screaming even more had me clutching my gut with laughter.

The twins, that one has gone because there were no trees and meat and fish in the house. Oh right, get out then. Other twin with the avocado's needs to get a grip. I agree with her about the negativity point of view when she was talking to Georgina though. Just chill the fuck out but continue spreading the good vibes.

Georgina is great how she stands up to Marco and the other attention seekers, but lets draw the line with them. Will she enjoy herself? Yeah get bloody Jackson back in.

Chelsea cannot be serious. That hair and that attitude is crazy. No one cares about how much money you have, what you spend it on, about how you have Billy Bear Ham attached to your genitals. You need to relax and get a haircut. What did do on with Jayne though? Wish they'd stop being so secretive. I loved his reaction to seeing her when he joined The Other house, kisses and it's over. A real teenage girl.

The couple who have stole my heart are sweet Andy and Lateysha. He's a really good lad with a balanced view, he's sexy and he speaks reason. Lateeysha is just great;a true Beyonce, really funny, not remotely two faced (which I am pleasantly surprised about) and she has great tits.

Glad Andrew was kicked out, kinky asshole. Evelyn, and anyone else, is clearly unnoticable.

Opening Night

So the, for me at least, eagerly awaited new Big Brother series started last night.

Long time fans of the show, such as myself, let out a big sigh (not of relief) when we see the usual almost z-list characters enter the house. It is, yet again, jam packed with beautiful girls and equally aesthetically pleasing men that seem hyped up entirely on themselves.

But we've seen this before, and it was kind of enjoyable last time, so we will pursue watching the series, even though we would much rather watch the beautiful science of 12, relatively normal, strangers dealing with the pressures of living in a goldfish bowl for 3 months in the summer.

So, what housemates have made the cut this series? We have an ill-looking Justin Bieber, really annoying twins, a journalist (currently running as my favourite), a beautiful lady, a beautiful man, a beautiful lady who appears extremely feisty on her VT, yet when she steps out onto the stage to enter the house she is nothing short of a nervous wreck, nothing quite like faking it to get on tv. Some more beautiful people, then queue a charming and humorous gay man, more pretties, the penultimate house mate that entered resembles Series 7 winner Pete Bennett, and the final cast member has a hair style that looks completely mental. 

All of the house mates are gorgeous, obviously it makes viewing easier on the eye, but it would have been nice to have had a couple of average Joe's in there. I'm just imagining if I had rocked up with my 5ft3, slightly overweight stature, how that would have gone down. I have absolutely no idea what I would have done to compensate for the lack of posing during the VT though...

So to inject a bit of fun into this dull line up, Big Brother has set up a second house, within it are more potential housemates who we don't get to learn too much about. What we do know though, is that they have been put in there to stir up some real shit; they have bad relationships with those who were lucky to receive the house mate status. All will be revealed tonight apparently. What I wonder, is how the Big Brother producers managed it. Did they do research on the housemates and target their exes? "Wanna come on a tv show?" the element of surprise is the most interesting element of the twist. I'm a little concerned it may not be.

We are told never to judge a book by it's cover, but that's what the beauty of opening night is all about. So my current interests are Andy, Sam and Jason. The others, contradictory to the producers' intentions, melt away into the background for me.

Looking forward to 10pm for the first episode of Big Brother 2016.